


Now I'm In It

by crystanagahori



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Neighbors, Single Dad Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:08:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24872803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystanagahori/pseuds/crystanagahori
Summary: So Rey might have accidentally told her boss that she was bringing her loving husband and sweet two year old son to the fundraiser. She does not, in fact, have either. She does, however, have her neighbor Ben and his two year old son Noah.***Or the one where Rey lies and tells her coworkers she has a loving husband and a son. Now the annual picnic is coming up and she needs a fake picture-perfect family. Fortunately, her friend Ben fits all the requirements.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 49
Kudos: 518





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by one of the many, many tempting prompts by fran (@galacticidiots) on Twitter. I love me a good single parent trope, and couldn't resist this one. 
> 
> Yes, your girl now has a dedicated Reylo account! Ah, the evolution of my trash ass. Follow me there @crysta_nagahori so I don't feel so lonely huhu. (https://twitter.com/crysta_nagahori)
> 
> But anyway, here we go. Another fic to write by the seat of our pants. Are you excited? I TOTALLY AM!

****

**Prompt: The one where Rey lies and tells her coworkers she has a loving husband and a son. Now the annual picnic is coming up and she needs a fake picture-perfect family. Fortunately, her friend Ben fits all the requirements.**

***

It figured something like this would happen to Rey.

How many times had Finn “Mother Hen” Lockhart told her that her “dry, very English sarcasm is going to get you in trouble one of these days,” only to be met with Rey and Rose spluttering and laughing like he didn’t say things like that all the time?

Anyway, Finn had told her way too many times. Which why Rey couldn’t help but blame him today, as she stood in front of her neighbor’s door, gathering up the courage to raise a hand and knock. kNock! As if she’d ever done that before, for this neighbor in particular.

She was contemplating her current choices. Death by boss or death by neighbor, neither of which seemed particularly appealing to her.

So, yes. Finn’s fault.

Because Finn was also the one Holdo was talking to that afternoon as they strode down the office. Amylin Holdo was a badass director at the nonprofit organization Rey worked in, which made her a busy woman. Amilyn didn’t usually care what her staff did in their free time, Rey could have spent her evenings on seven different Discord servers arguing with old white guys about the current Doctor Who (yes, it’s about fucking time the Doctor became a woman!) and her boss would not have bat an eyelash.

But for some reason (again, Rey still blamed this on Finn) on that particular afternoon, Amilyn Holdo of Resistance, Inc. decided to stop in front of Rey’s cubicle and peer at a photograph. And Rey had just so happened to be in the middle of eating a breakfast sandwich for lunch.

“Is that your family?” Her boss asked with the same surprise and enthusiasm she had for everything. “How sweet.”

And Rey being Rey, couldn’t help herself. She really couldn’t.

“Yes, that’s my husband and our two year old son,” She chortled, because sarcasm was clearly easier to reach for when one was nervous about being caught red-handed eating where someone was not supposed to. “He’s very loving. Gentle. Understanding. And tall. We’re celebrating our anniversary next week.”

Behind her boss, Finn rolled his eyes, because the man knew that tone.

Unfortunately, Amilyn was not as familiar.

“Oh Rey, that’s wonderful,” she said, smiling with an affection that was so unfamiliar to Rey that she actually felt herself reeling backward. “You must bring them both to the childrens’ fundraiser next week! I think we have a petting zoo, don’t we, Finn?”

“Yup, goats, sheep, all the good stuff,” Finn managed to ask before giving Rey a look that asked, _what the hell are you doing?_

“I’m sure they’d _love_ to go,” Rey nodded. “My husband loves a crowd.”

She would have rolled her eyes, but it wasn’t exactly polite. And the thing was, the thing _was,_ that Rey absolutely hero-worshipped Amilyn. She wouldn’t have dropped everything she had going on in England and come here if it wasn’t for Amilyn Holdo’s legend. Amilyn’s work with Resistance Inc focused on supporting women who have undergone trauma, which Rey deeply admired. The fact that she was being kind and sociable with Rey was just mind-blowing, which was also why Rey reached for her go-to reaction; sarcasm. And she loved that Amilyn seemed to be in on the joke. Children’s fundraiser, ha! It was a thing, and one where they always encouraged family to come along, but her boss didn’t actually _think_ that she was married…right? Rey and her wear the same jeans for a week really didn’t give off the vibes that she had her life together long enough to have a husband and a child at home.

“Oh, but I would hate to intrude on your anniversary,” Amilyn sighed, and immediately Rey blinked in confusion.

“On our what, now?”

“I know these milestones are important for such young couples, but it’s for a good cause,” Amylin continued, taking a look at the photo again, which meant Rey was looking at the photo too. She had very few people in her life, and the photo of Ben and Noah had been a total accident with her instant camera. She’d been meaning to give Ben the photo, but somehow it wound up among Rey’s office things, which included a mug filled with Pixi Stix and a post-it from Rose that said, “drink your water, bitch!” Surely the photo didn’t _look_ real.

Granted it was a cute photo of Noah, climbing on Ben’s back. Rey had been sitting on the couch, fiddling with her new Instax when she’d accidentally snapped the photo.

“So will I see all three of you at the fundraiser?” Amylin asked, pulling Rey from her thoughts.

“Um,” she said, because when you were already in a hole, it was just easier to burrow deeper. “Of course. Looking forward to it. Petting zoo and all.”

Then with an efficient nod, Amylin turned, purple hair and all and turned to Finn so they would walk back to her office. Rey slumped in her seat and breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god that was over.

“Rey, what the hell?” Finn asked, because it figured he would march right back to her cubicle the second he finished with Amilyn. “Did you just lie to our boss about being married with a kid?”

“I was joking!” Rey argued, burying her head under her hands. “I thought she would appreciate my dry wit and humor.”

“I don’t even know what that means,” Finn sighed, shaking his head. And it meant a lot to Rey that a man who had a whole fundraiser to run next week (and a contact for petting zoo animals, apparently?) was taking the time to help her with her current dilemma. “So are you going to tell her?”

“Tell her what?” Rey asked.

“Rey!”

“Finn,” she groaned. “That was our first non-work related interaction! I thought she didn’t like me until today.”

“Yeah, when she showed polite interest over the husband you don’t have, and the son that’s not yours,” Finn raised a brow at her. “Does she not know that—“

“That I don’t actually have a family, because my parents abandoned me? It doesn’t come up in normal conversation,” Rey said, her tone a warning that she didn’t feel like discussing her past with Finn, even if he understood it more than anyone else in the entire building, probably.

“Okay, okay,” he nodded, before his phone started to ring. One look at his face and Rey knew that work was calling.

“Go, take it. I’ll figure something out.”

“Preferably something along the lines of telling the truth?”

“Suuure,” she said in that tone, and Finn knew exactly what she meant.

“I think we need to make a sarcasm sign for you,” Finn sighed before he turned and left the area with his phone pressed to his ear. Rey groaned and pressed the heels of her palms against her face.

* * *

And that was why, hours later, after work and a quick drink with Rose later, Rey was standing in front of Ben’s door, calculating her options.

Telling Amylin was out of the question. Rey had very few role models in her life, and very few authority figures who actually seemed to give a shit about her. She was sure her therapist had something to say about the fact that she was willing to overhaul her really good relationship with her neighbor for the sake of her relationship with said role model, but her session wasn’t until next month, so.

She could lie and say something else had come up, but Finn needed extra hands at the fundraiser, and she wasn’t about to skip out on a friend.

So…there was this.

The familiar sounds of a baby’s babbling got her attention, just as something small latched on her leg. She didn’t even have to think about it, Rey turned to the little monster clinging to her legs and picked him up, kissing his chubby cheeks before he threw his arms around her in a hug.

“Hey Noah! How was your day?” She asked, bouncing him a little on her hip as Noah continued to talk, half-formed words mixed amongst the nonsense. Rey nodded along and hummed like she understood him perfectly, before she looked up and saw Noah’s Dad watching them with a little grin on his face.

Rey wanted to sigh. Ben Solo gave away his smiles very rarely, and when he did, they were reserved only for his son, even if they made Rey feel like the sun was shining in the middle of a thunderstorm.

“You’re the only other person I know who does that,” He chuckled, coming up to her with one arm loaded with groceries, the other holding some sort of baby carrier contraption that Rey didn’t understand.

“I’m fluent in babbling,” Rey smiled, pressing her nose against Noah’s head and taking in his sweet baby scent. “Do you need help?”

“I’m fine,” Ben said, walking past her to unlock the door with the key. “If you weren’t holding him, I would probably be struggling.”

“Happy to help,” Rey grinned, waiting for Ben to haul himself and the things he was carrying in to the apartment before she carried Noah inside. As always, the place was sparkling, immaculately clean, and there wasn’t a thing out of place. Ben was efficient, using the time that Rey was putting Noah into a playpen to put away the groceries quickly, not that Ben ever had too much food at his place. Rey watched him for a moment, the way the man’s muscles tensed and strained against the Joy Division shirt he was wearing, taking a minute to run a hand through his longish locks of dark hair to study the jars of baby food which looked comically tiny in his massive hands.

“So was there any reason we caught you staring at the door?” Ben finally asked, closing the cupboards. “You don’t usually wait.”

“I was trying to remember what day in the week it was in the Solo family schedule,” Rey teased. “Tuesday is grocery day.”

Ben said nothing in response, because it was probably a little weird that Rey knew that. But the again, she’s been living next to the Solo Boys for one and a half years, most of Noah’s life, really, and how could she not know that?

“So you’re here for my cooking,” Ben said, without hint of annoyance in his voice, but there wasn’t quite enough amusement in it either. Always difficult to tell with him. “I am no longer taking comments or complaints on my eggplant lasagna.”

“I’m just saying, the point of using eggplant is to replace the meat,” Rey rolled her eyes. “I just like my lasagna with more tomato sauce.”

“Noted,” Ben said, his back to her as he started to pack away box after box after box of cereal. And not the baby kind.

“But I’m not here for food, I actually already ate,” Rey said and her heart was hammering in her chest, and why was she so fucking nervous? This was _Ben Solo_. Her neighbor. Her friend. She had nothing to worry about.

“Okay,” Ben’s brow rose as he turned to face Rey, efficient as always in everything he did, so he was already prepping ingredients to make dinner. Rey had heard a lot of horror stories from people at work about being a new parent, a new single parent, and how it made you feel like your life was completely out of your control. But apparently, that didn’t happen to guys like Ben. “What’s on your mind?”

“I need to borrow your kid,” Rey said quickly, because she believed in ripping off the band aid.

Ben paused mid-chop. “You what?”

“And also you. I need to borrow you too.”

Ben rest the tip of the knife on top of the cutting board, looking at Rey like he was absolutely not going to say anything until she explained herself. She swallowed a lump that she didn’t realize was in her throat because, wow that was…hot. He looked…hot.

Oh shit.

“You need to…borrow us,” Ben repeated.

“Just for the afternoon. For this children’s fundraiser we’re running at the office, and employees have been encouraged to bring their…families. I have heard nothing but good things about the petting zoo.”

“Bababa!” Noah exclaimed, reclaiming Rey’s attention as he promptly placed a soft duck into her arms. Rey has settled herself on the matted floor with Noah, and the boy was currently narrating…something of seemingly high importance as his neighbor watched with interest.

“That’s right Noah, a petting zoo, with sheep, and camels and…unicorns,” Rey said, and the baby laughed with delight at the thought, waving his hands around enthusiastically. “What the f-fuuun, is a petting zoo?”

“A place where children can pet the fuck out of animals and get healthy bacteria,” Ben said dryly, resuming his cooking. “Care to explain why you’re planning on hijacking me and my son for the afternoon?”

“Ummm,” Rey said, which Noah immediately babbled back with, “um, um, um.” “I might have told my boss that I have a loving son and husband, and that you are very tall, and very _understanding_.”

“Oh, am I?” Ben asked, still so casually chopping up vegetables, and clearly he found this entire thing amusing. “What’s in it for me?”

“You get to spend an entire afternoon with strangers? Your son? Your favorite person in the world?”

“Bold of you to assume you’re my favorite person in the world.”

“I meant Noah.”

Ben turned away from her and started cooking over the stove. Based on his ingredients, she guessed she was making some kind of pancake. It looked really good, actually.

Noah’s head whipped up at the sound of oil sizzling in the pan, then he held his arms out to Rey as if to tell her, “take me to my father.” And who was Rey to refuse?

“Keep all arms and legs within the vehicle at all times,” Rey warned him, and Noah said something in response, wriggling a little as she carried him in her arms to walk him over to the stove. “Hands over the safety bar!”

“Dada!” Noah exclaimed.

“Yes, son,” Ben said like it was completely normal for his son to be hovering a save distance from where he was cooking. “What do you think? Should we say yes?”

“Ben,” she whined.

“Rey,” he said, in that tone she hated where it felt like he was just tolerating her. She never told him that, and she was probably never going to. “Why did you tell your coworkers you were married?”

“Do I really have to—“

“It’s the least you can do,” he shrugged, pouring the batter into the pan. “We had big plans next week. Laundry plans.”

“Maybe I just wanted my boss to like me,” Rey sighed, trying to ignore the fact that Noah was now putting a sloppy kiss on her cheek, as if to make her feel better. He really was such a sweetheart. “And that I didn’t want her to think I was a loser who lived by herself and poached food from my neighbor.”

“I’m making enough for the both of us, don’t worry,” he assured her, adding seafood to the mix. “And you’re not a loser. You’re Noah’s friend and my…”

“Your?” Rey asked, her stomach twisting at the hanging sentence.

“My,” Ben repeated, but added nothing more. “We’ll be there. I’m very good at pretending to be a husband. I can be understanding that way.”

“Don’t forget tall,” Rey said, as she breathed in relief. “You’re very tall.”

“Yeah,” Ben actually chuckled, and ha! She got a chuckle out of him! “Exactly.”

 _Thank god._ Rey thought, grabbing a paper towel to wipe saliva from her cheek and Noah’s lips. _Now all we have to do is fake married our way through the day._

Ah, if only things were that easy.


	2. Chapter 2

Ben Solo believed that chaos could be controlled. Even with a two year old son already walking, he still did his best to stick to the carefully won control he’d fought for over the years. Some days he managed, some days he didn’t, but one of the things he didn’t expect about fatherhood was his sudden ability to take the little things in stride. Tomorrow would be better, which was a lot more hopeful than he’d ever managed.

Noah was always awake by six am. He’d always been a good sleeper, his son, which Ben recognized was no small miracle. The boy would babble to himself, content to talk to the stuffed elephant Nana Leia gave him (for no reason other than just being the only grandchild) until Ben made it out of bed already fully dressed and showered, which usually took about ten minutes. Then breakfast for them both—cereal for him because it was fast, and easy enough to eat while keeping an eye on Noah, who still needed convincing that food was not in fact, for playing.

Depending on the day, Ben would then give Noah his bath and get them both ready for the day. Monday was for learning, where Ben would try his hand at teaching Noah things that would undoubtedly give him some advantage in later life—colors, shapes, words, anything he could get his hands on. Noah absorbed information like a sponge, and seemed to enjoy his father’s undivided attention.

 _Enjoy it while you can, kid._ His father had chuckled. _It’s not going to last forever._

Tuesday was laundry day. For a one and a half person household, Ben and Noah amassed a lot of laundry in week, so it was downstairs they went, where Noah became fascinated with the machines and attempted to help Ben sort their whites and colors.

Wednesday was Ben’s Day Off, which seemed ridiculous, for a man who had no other job but raising his son after selling off his tech company two years ago, but Wednesday was also Han and Leia’s day with Noah. A day where putting Noah down to sleep was always extra difficult. Ben had long given up on asking his parents to stop spoiling his son—to be honest, he didn’t mind it…for now.

It was also the day Ben took for himself, which usually entailed going to the gym, the bank, the mall, before he gave up and just sat a home waiting for the right time to pick up his son. One would think after selling a tech company for a cool two hundred mil, Ben would buy a house in the suburbs, but he loved the city too much to leave. Leia had hinted more than once that she didn’t mind keeping Noah overnight in case Ben had “special friends,” come over, but no.

Thursday was grocery day, where Ben picked their food for the week and Noah tried his best to explain to his father that he much preferred applesauce to the mashed carrot. Unfortunately, the boy could only speak about fifty words, neither of which included “apple,” or “carrot.”

Friday was their day out, where the Solos would go outside, and (shudder) interact with other people. Ben actually liked going out to the park, for a walk around the neighborhood, anything that didn’t involve being cooped up in the apartment. Noah seemed to love those days the most, chatting and exclaiming over almost everything like it was always a complete surprise, and Ben just counted the seconds until they could go back home. He didn’t realize how much of an invitation pushing a stroller around was for other people to talk to him, but there it was.

They met Rey on a Friday. Noah, who had been only a year and six months at the time, was fussing over being put in the stroller. The kid was ready to start walking any day now, and Ben could see the agitation in the boy’s face whenever he was reminded that no, actually, you can’t walk yet. Impatience ran in the Solo family, clearly.

So the little shit (and Ben says that lovingly) staged a mutiny and practically leapt into Rey’s arms the moment he saw her.

“Woah!” Rey exclaimed, as Ben’s heart nearly plummeted to the floor. Thank god her reflexes were quick, easily catching the baby in her arms as Noah laughed and waved his own chubby arms up in the air like he’d won the World Cup on a penalty kick. “I didn’t know Spiderman lived in my building.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” Ben said, because of all the bad habits he’d managed to undo since having a son, swearing was the thing that stuck. “He’s…a squirmer today, apparently.”

“It’s perfectly fine,” Rey smiled, letting Noah pat her face with his hand as of he demanded to know exactly what shade of lip…thing she had on her lips because he was a fan. “Do you and your Daddy live in this building?”

“Yes, 14B,” Ben said, as if Rey had been talking to him. She looked up, looking at him for the first time, but it was Ben who was moonstruck by her. She had lovely eyes. What color were they? Hazel? Green? Gold? They looked like they could see right in to his soul. Her dark brown hair was cropped almost at her chin, falling in soft waves. She looked…strong. Like she’d beaten back things that could have easily broken her.

Ben wondered what her lips would taste like. And suddenly he was all too aware of how long it had been since he’d last been…intimate with an adult, not just sexually, but…emotionally. Conversationally, at least. Noah had been a product of a surrogate and a donation from him, and even before that, with the company being set up, then sold…it had been a while. And suddenly all those parts of him that he thought had shriveled up and died from disuse were back again—his heart, most especially.

“I just moved in to 14C yesterday,” Rey said, obvious delight on her face. “I guess that makes us neighbors.”

Was it just him, or did she quickly glance at his left hand?

“That’s right,” Ben said, knowing he could have ended the conversation then and there. “Welcome to the building, neighbor. That’s Noah. I’m Ben.”

“Rey,” she said, giving him a brilliant smile while hoisting Noah a little higher on her hip. “And I was worried I wouldn’t make friends in the building.”

“Dadadada!” Noah exclaimed, as id reassuring her that she had a friend in him and his Dad. Rey spotted the empty stroller Ben was pushing forward and positioned Noah to get on, with some help from Ben.

The little shit settled in to the stroller without protest.

“We were going for a walk around the neighborhood,” Ben said in a burst of confidence that he was sure would never come along again. “You’re welcome to join us. I could point you in the direction of…things.”

“Things,” Rey repeated. “Are you sure your wife won’t mind?”

“Wife? No, ah…” he said, and even one year and six months later, he still wasn’t used to explaining himself. “It’s just the two of us. To my mother’s disappointment.”

Did he have to say that? No? Was he an idiot? Yes.

“Oh,” Rey said, a flush of color appearing on her cheeks. “Okay. Let’s go.”

And the rest, as they say, was history. Ben and Rey bonded over cooking, their favorite style of pizza (he preferred crusty, wood oven artisanal shit, she loved pizza with stuffed crust), the best way to poach an egg, and their favorite ingredients from the Asian market nearby. She became a part of Ben and Noah’s lives, joining them on Tuesdays for laundry day, and actually taking Ben out for a meal or something else on Wednesdays.

Three months later, they exchanged keys when Ben had to go to the middle of bumfuck nowhere with Noah and his parents to see Luke, and Rey agreed to check on the apartment while they were gone.

Six months later, Rey asked Ben to be her fake husband for a work event. He didn’t know what that meant except that maybe she trusted him, and trust was a valuable thing.

The day after she asked him was a Friday, which was why they were sitting outside in one of those corner cafes with tiny tables and chairs that looked out into the street. Noah was in his stroller, busy sucking on a fruit pop Ben brought along for him while Ben nursed a cup of coffee. It was a warm day, and the pop also helped soothed the pain he’d been having over growing molars.

“Oh my, isn’t your son just adorable?” the waitress said, like it was the first time she noticed the 6”3 man in her side of the cafe had along a tiny human. “He’s really enjoying that fruit pop.”

“It’s hot,” Ben shrugged by way of explanation.

“Isn’t it? The weather’s been crazy lately,” she said, brushing a hand away from her face. “So do you guys live nearby, or…?”

“Ben!” Rey’s familiar voice filled his ears, and every other sound just drifted away from him, because there she was, wearing a bright yellow sundress with little flowers, her smile as radiant as the sun, waving at him and Noah like she had just walked in to the best part of her day.

“Sorry I’m late guys,” she said. She looked down at the scooter, where Noah was, as always, holding his arms up for her. “Hey you!”

She immediately picked Noah up and smothered his sticky cheeks with kisses, putting him on her lap like this was the kind of thing they did all the time. Ben resisted the urge to hold his heart over his chest because he swore it skipped a beat.

“Rey, he’s sticky,” Ben sighed, pulling wipes from the bag that he kept slung on the stroller.

“I don’t mind,” Rey said, nodding along as Noah tried to tell her why juice pops were his father’s greatest culinary achievement. She looked up at the waitress. “Can I get a glass of iced tea?”

“Right away,” she said, and Ben tried not to notice the way her steps seemed a little heavier as she walked away.

“The waitress was cute,” Rey pointed out, using the wipes to clean her face, then Noah’s and his hands. “She was also leaning.”

“She was what?”

“Leaning,” Rey pointed out, as if surprised that Ben wasn’t aware. “That’s you you know if someone’s interested, when they kind of…lean towards you.”

“That can’t be true,” Ben shook his head.

“Iced tea,” The waitress came back and placed the glass between them, making Ben sit up suddenly because…oh. He was leaning toward her.

“Thanks!” Rey said brightly, taking a sip with her head turned away from Noah so he didn’t think she was playing. “So are we going to talk about how we’re going to make it through the fundraiser together? My coworkers are notoriously nosy, of course Finn and Rose know the truth, so we’ve got a bit of backup, but still…”

“Who are Finn and Rose?” He asked, because he’d almost forgotten that Rey had a completely different life outside the neighborly little bubble they’d built together. She told him things about her past, the reason why she always seemed so strong, but for some reason he’d…forgotten that other people existed too.

“Finn’s the one who organized the event, and Rose has heard all about you,” Rey rolled her eyes like she was tired of hearing it. “Apparently I’ve been talking about you and Noah nonstop.”

“Not that there’s much to tell,” Ben shrugged. He was sure his little life seemed boring to her.

“No, I love—I like it,” she backtracked, her cheeks flushing when she realized she’d slipped a little. “Having you and Noah next door has made me feel…safe. Happy.”

“Oh,” Ben said, and that had been the only thing he managed to say because he was currently fighting the urge to lean over the table and kiss her over his son’s head. “Thank you. Our days have been happier with you around, too.”

“Oh,” Rey was definitely blushing this time, but she hid it quickly by burying her face int he tufts of Noah’s dark hair. “Thank you.”

“Hi, I’m Ben, Rey’s tall husband,” Ben said suddenly, trying his hardest not to sound sarcastic, but maybe he was doing it wrong, because Rey smiled wryly up at him.

“I was thinking more of when did we meet. When we got married. When we had this one,” she said, bouncing Noah on her lap. “Did I have him naturally, or did we have a surrogate? How in love are we supposed to be?”

“Those sound like questions _you_ should answer,” Ben raised a brow, taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m happy to follow your lead, although Noah might tell.”

“No way, he and I are sympatico, right?” Rey asked the baby who gave her his best smile, baby teeth and all. “I was thinking we can keep things simple, and as close to the true story as possible. We met when we became neighbors. You were in the process of surrogacy, I just got my citizenship.”

“Right,” Ben nodded, pulling a fork that was in grabbing distance away from Noah, who pouted at his father. “I sold my startup and wanted to build a life, you just got your life back.”

A simple enough sentence, but it was the truth. The weight that lifted off of Ben’s shoulders when he sold the company was…freeing. He wanted to build a life for himself, and share it. He never fathomed being a husband, but being a father was something that he’d felt in his soul. So after talking to his mother, not talking to his father, and consulting every resource available to him, Ben had Noah.

Rey had told him about getting her citizenship. For a girl who came from nothing, raising a hand and swearing herself as a citizen of the country was a huge step. Her own way of building her life. In that sense, they were both looking for the same thing—home. Happiness.

“Exactly,” Rey nodded. “We met at the elevator when you brought Noah home, and things just sort of…fell into place after that.”

“And here we are,” Ben agreed, smiling fondly as Rey waved his son’s hands up and down, and he could almost picture it. The two of them sitting in a cafe, married and happy. Finally able to build that life they had both desperately looked for.

Ben coughed and took a sip of his water. Despite all the time away from work, and being in a much healthier mental space now than he did back then, something still held him back from trying anything with Rey. He worried he wouldn’t give her enough space. Worried that she didn’t actually want him. Some days he woke up sure that he was going to fuck up his son’s life one way or the other.

“Yes,” Rey smiled, that sweetness and light still clutching at his heart. “Here we are. Be warned, I’m going to hold your hand.”

“That’s fine. But you have to practice not panicking when I touch you,” he pointed out, and the look of confusion on Rey’s face surprised him. “You didn’t know you did that.”

“I do?” She asked him, her voice suddenly small, like he’d walked in to a room of her insecurities and started smashing the walls with a hammer. Shit.

“Yes,” Ben said, trying to keep his tone neutral. “It’s a small thing, a tiny look of panic on your face. But it might throw people off.”

“Oh,” Rey’s brow furrowed, like she was giving the matter some deep thought. “Ben, you know it’s not because I don’t like you, okay?”

“It’s not?” He asked. “I’ve been avoiding it because I thought you were uncomfortable.”

“I mean, I didn’t even realize that I was doing it. And I don’t want you to think that I…” Rey said slowly, but Ben didn’t push her. She’d once joked that the reason why they got along so well was because of emotional constipation. Ha-ha-ha. “I think I’m just not used to having people around. To having someone like you, who I can rely on when my faucet blows up, or when I need to reach a really high shelf.”

“Well, I am tall.”

“But it’s not just that,” Rey shook her head. “Fuck, I’m explaining this badly.”

“Ffffff,” Noah said, and both adults’ gazes shot to the baby, who conveniently forgot the word and was now occupying himself with the table napkin.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t like having the two of you around,” she clarified. “I do. You’re as close to family as I’ll ever have, I think. So we have to practice,” Rey said, sitting up in the seat, her hands still secure around Noah’s hips. “Touching, I mean.”

“What?” Ben asked, nearly spitting out the rest of his coffee. He was still just settling himself with the fact that Rey basically called him family, and he didn’t know what to do with that information, and now they were supposed to…practice.

“We’ll practice,” Rey nodded. “Tonight. I’ll bring pizza. And…beer?”

“The good kind please, not the stuffed kind. And beer for you, wine for me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she smiled, rolling her eyes and kissing the top of Noah’s head. “You’re so lucky the place I buy from has an amazing spicy honey dip for bread.”

“Is it that new place that opened at the end of the block, because I wanted to try the—“

“Mushroom and balsamic onion pizza, yes!” Rey exclaimed, and just like that, their worlds were back in perfect, working order. "Your daddy is smart, isn't he Noah?"

His son blew a raspberry in response, which made Rey laugh uncontrollably.

He cracked a smile at them both. Ben knew that attempting to control chaos was an almost impossible task, but he liked the reminders of the things that mattered. Noah, good food, and the extraordinary woman right in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't they just get together already? D: (anyway follow me @crysta_nagahori on Twitter if you need flail support, im here for you)


	3. Chapter 3

Rose: Rey-bae! Drinks at the Cantina with Poe and Finn?

Rey: Can’t. Ben’s here with Noah.

Rose: Ohhh so we’re keeping it PG with your faux husband?…BORING.

Rey: We’re trying to get more comfortable with each other in this hole I dug myself into.

Rose: Aww look at you two in your little hole together. _eggplant emoji_ _peach emoji_

Rey: You kiss Hux with that mouth?

Rose: At least I’m kissing???

“He’s asleep,” Ben said, padding back in to Rey’s living room in a soft blue sweater (why didn’t she notice that sweater when they were out today?), bare feet and loose linen pants, baby monitor practically hidden because of the size of his hand. “I hope you don’t mind, I made a pillow fort around him so he doesn’t roll off the bed.”

“Is that a dig on my many, many throw pillows?” Rey’s brow rose as she took a sip of her beer, to distract herself from the fact that Ben looked really good in a sweater and bare feet, walking to her with a soft, satisfied smile on his face.

“Yes it is.”

“Hey it happens to keep _me_ from rolling off of the bed,” so I’d say it serves their purpose.”

“Much better if you had someone in that bed with you to keep you from falling off,” he said, throwing out such a flirty line so casually that it made her heart flip. Ben was very rarely ever flippant or casual, which meant…which meant they were already pretending. Got it.

Rose had been teasing her for months about her weirdly co-dependent relationship with her neighbor, but Rey could brush it off, usually, until they were sitting on her couch with their drinks of choice, pizza that suited them both. She could have not noticed the way Ben’s gaze was intense when focused on…anyone, really, until it was locked on her. Until he’d insisted they go to her place instead so she was comfortable.

“I would, but my husband would get _really_ jealous,” she said, resting her arm on the back of the couch, and her cheek over her wrist. “He’s the type to get angry when I so much as get looked at by someone else.”

“He is,” he said, leaving the monitor on as he placed it on her coffee table, picking up his glass of wine (he was classy as fuck) and leaning against the couch like he was ready for a nap too. “He’s also very, very much in love with you.”

Rey’s back straightened, surprised by the sudden declaration. _He’s just playing along,_ she reminded herself. _This is a fantasy you created._

Best to remember that.

“Tired?” She asked him, and god, what a wife-y thing to say. Which was fine, because they were supposed to pretend to be married, and wasn’t that the point of this evening? Rey would be the kind of wife who cared about how Be—her husband was feeling.

“Just enough,” he said in response, and his lips curled into a small smile that Rey wished she could keep and hold as just hers. “Just glad I didn’t fuck up the rest of his life today. But then again, you never know.”

“Don’t say that,” she said gently. “You’re a great Dad. You’re still here. And you love him.”

“I do,” he said with a sigh.

She’d never been possessive before, her life taught her that nothing was permanent, but this moment, Ben so close she could count the moles on his face, could trace the shape of his nose with her fingertip, could see the way his longish hair brushed over his eyes.

“You know,” Rey said gently, as if they were the only two people in the world. “I think you’re my best friend.”

He opened his eyes and looked up at her, and she realized that she was leaning toward him, her knees tucked under her as her right elbow rest near his head. It was incredibly domestic.

“Me too,” he said, his voice low and sweet, and sent a shudder through her belly.

He’d said that she flinched when he touched her. Between them, any touch only ever happened when they were handing things to each other—food, items, Noah. Their fingers would brush for the briefest of seconds, all the time.

But now? There was no further excuse for them, no Noah to act as an adorable buffer. The boy was currently sleeping in a pillow fort in her room (and Rey was so glad Noah had the kind of father who would make him pillow forts to sleep in, it was more than she ever got), and his father was here.

“So,” He said slowly, not moving from his seemingly comfortable position on her couch, still letting her lead, letting her choose the path that they were going to take. “How do you want to do this…honey?”

“Honey?”

“Baby?” He wrinkled his nose.

“Not with a real baby close by,” Rey shook her head.

“My Dad calls my mother Princess,” he suggested. “Your Worshipfulness when he’s annoyed. Leia when he loves her so much, he can’t contain it.”

“Not Princess, then,” Rey said, and she thought it was nice of him to share that little part of his family life with her. He’d told her once that his desire for a son came from his own family, he wanted it to grow, he wanted his parents to be a part of it. “Something…between us?”

“Sweetheart,” Ben finally said, a sense of finality in his voice, and Rey’s heart skipped in her chest, and proceeded to cartwheel and somersault in her stomach. It was a simple enough term of endearment, but it felt like it belonged to her.

Even if it was pretend.

“You like it?” He asked her, blinking up at her curiously.

“Yeah,” she smiled, and she was aware that she was leaning really close now. Close enough that all Ben had to do was reach up and…his hand rose up, close to Rey’s face. She could feel the warmth of it against her face.

“May I?” He asked, and there was a brief second when his lips pressed together, like he was trying to swallow down a bundle of nerves himself. Good to know she wasn’t the only one.

She nodded, and his hand found a home on her cheek. She felt herself lean against it, the intimate touch setting her entire body alight. Like she was whole, after never realizing this entire time that she wasn’t. He was so warm. And it felt so right to have his hand on her face, why did she have misgivings about this again?

It was almost real.

“Sweetheart,” Ben said gently, and the word really was made to kill her on the spot. “May I kiss you?”

“Please,” Rey heard herself whisper, as her leaning turned into falling, and she was kissing Ben Solo, her neighbor next door. He kissed like he’d been waiting for this moment, like her permission was everything he needed to unleash his passion.

And god, what beautiful passion it was. Rey kissed him back, emboldened by his action. She kissed him like he was new, but safe, her new favorite.

The hand on her cheek stayed there, steady and firm, while his other, sneaky right hand was on her waist, steadying her as she rose up slightly on her knees. Rey pulled away to take a quick breath, and Ben’s eyes were wide and dark, desire clearly on his face even as his luscious lips were just starting to swell.

“Ben,” she said, because very suddenly she was straddling him, her thighs against his hips as he kept her steady. She needed, oh god, she needed. She needed him.

“Yes,” he said, shifting his hips upward, and his erection brushed against the inside of Rey’s thigh, and it was perfect, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted more, so much more than she had any right to ask from him, but she was so lost in the sensation of his kisses on her neck, his large hands on her body, on her breast, his tongue flicking against her nipple through her thin shirt. She reached between them and brushed her finger over her clothes between her legs, and she could have sworn she heard him say, “fuck,” as his eyes darted to where her hand was.

She wanted him to say it again. Rey (reluctantly) took her fingers from between her legs and touched his growing erection, listening to how his breath hitched, how he shuddered in her hands.

“I think I’ve always wanted this,” Ben said, stealing another kiss, holding Rey so close that she just felt safe and loved, and so happy. “With you.”

“I feel it too,” She told him, as she let go of him, and they both started to move against each other, seeking that closeness, that release, without taking off a stitch of clothing. Rey was blind to everything else but Ben and his arms, Ben and those dark, smoldering eyes, and the beating of her own heart.

His hand skimmed over the wait of her shorts, and with a look from Ben and a nod from Rey, he slipped a finger on the hood of her clit and Rey saw stars, pushing her thighs harder agains this erection, making Ben hiss at the effort of trying to keep himself together.

Somehow she knew he was going to be really good with his fingers. But there was very little time to think about that, because suddenly she was orgasming already, a gasp coming out of her lips as she could feel a scream forming in her chest.

But then she remembered that there was a baby sleeping in her bedroom, and she pressed her face against Ben’s shoulder instead.

“Are you coming for me, sweetheart?” Ben asked, his voice low and dangerous and a little strained, and god, it was doing a _lot_ for her. “Don’t make a sound.”

She didn’t. She did, however, bite down into his shoulder, and she was sure that it was the exact same moment she made Ben Solo, her neighbor and quite possibly, closest friends, come in his pajama pants.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he said, and Rey could barely suppress her giggles as she kissed the spot where she bit him, as his fingers, wet with her slick, withdrew from between her legs, and as she rest her hips and thighs along where Ben had absolutely ruined himself. She was out of breath, just like him, their breathing almost perfectly in sync as they came back to the earth, to the room, to the moment.

He brought his hand to his lips and took a little lick. Rey’s inner muscles clenched at the sight. What did she taste like, she wondered. What would _he_ taste like, and—

A loud cry erupted from the monitor, and both Rey and Ben froze. She didn’t have a reference for this, so she looked at Ben, who seemed as unsure as her. He looked like he was about to tell her to let it fo, but then Noah started coughing over the monitor, and that was definitely not normal.

“I should check on him,” Ben said quickly, scrambling off of Rey, who was already flopped back on the couch, finding herself breathing hard.

She watched Ben pad back to the bedroom, her lips still swollen and her breath still not quite back to where it was. _What just happened?_ She thought, feeling panic seize her and take over any lovely bouts of pleasure she had felt. She’d ruined this. She’d ruined all of this. She was supposed to be Ben’s friend for fuck’s sake, friends don’t…don’t do _this._

Because she couldn’t bear it if she lost Noah. She couldn’t bear it if she lost Ben. And going down a path like this was messy, and painful, and always ended with someone getting hurt, that someone almost always being Rey.

She couldn’t do this.

“I think he’s running a fever,” Ben said, his brow creased ass he emerged from Rey’s bedroom with Noah fussing in his arms, coughing still into the singlet Ben was wearing. “I should take him home. Shit, sorry, Rey. This isn’t how you wanted this evening to go.”

“It’s not,” she admitted, because it was the truth. But the thing was, she didn’t mind it. She didn’t mind that she and Ben made out like randy teenagers on her couch, didn’t mind that Noah needed to go back to his own bed, the poor kid was sick. “I’ll walk you home.”

She said it like he lived two blocks away instead of one door over. Poor Noah looked absolutely miserable, exhausted but kept awake by a cough or the heat that was radiating off of him.

“Rey,” he said in a tiny voice, his bottom lip trembling as he reached out his hand for her.

“You’ll be fine,” She assured him. “Daddy’s here.”

They stepped in to the threshold of the Solo apartment. Ben went straight for the bedroom, still muttering apologies, and Rey grabbed a tea towel from the clean linen drawer and ran it under cool water, wringing the cloth out as much as possible. Then she brought that and a glass of water to Noah’s room, where Ben had his hand over his son’s forehead while he read the temp off of a digital thermometer. He didn’t feel the need to tell her what it was.

“Thank you,” Ben said as Rey placed the cloth over Noah’s head, and handed Ben the glass of water. He didn’t spare her a glance as he said, “you should go back to your place. I can handle this.”

“It’s fine, I want to help—“

“Rey,” his voice was a little sharp, on edge. “I’m his father. You don’t want to do this. I’ll handle it myself.”

Oh how quickly things changed. It was as if Ben felt the same way about what they’d just done. Rey turned her back on Ben, pressed her fingertips to her lips then placed them on Noah’s hand. The boy turned his hand to grip Rey’s fingers and whimpered, the poor thing.

“Feel better, sweetie,” she said, and god, her eyes were tearing up. She leaned over the toddler bed and kissed the side of Noah’s forehead before she twisted her fingers from his grasp and left the apartment, heading right back into hers.

Normally she would still stay on the couch, watch a few more things before heading to bed, but she had a feeling it would be a while before she would be able to look at her own damn couch the same way again.

She threw the pillows on to the floor and settled in to bed, Rey could hear the muffled sounds of Ben softly singing to Noah, and her heart wrenched in her chest. She’d indulged a little too long in the lies she’d spread about the three of them being a family. They weren’t. And her wall was a serious reminder of that.

She picked up her phone and glared at the screen for a few minutes, it was a photo of her and Noah in a grocery, and she’s lifting him up so he can reach the snack he wanted on the top shelf. Ben had taken the photo as if to catch them in the act, but Rey ended up using it as her wallpaper.

Shaking the memory away, (because no matter what happened between her and Ben, she and Noah were still friends and she loved that kid a lot) she texted Ben instead.

_Hey. Calling off our arrangement. You don’t have to do it. Hope Noah feels better._

Then she turned off her phone and fell into a fitful, restless sleep. Rey had never felt so alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh these two little shits. I wanted to make things stermier but nooo, emotions have to be in the way. 
> 
> Next chapter will be our last, I think! Not to worry, in this channel(?) we stan only happy endings. Thank you for reading! <3


	4. Chapter 4

Rey barely noticed Saturday fly by, not when she stayed at home, he ear practically glued to the wall she shared with Noah, listening in for clues as to his condition. There was still sniffling and coughing, lots of groaning that broke her heart every tome she heard it.

But there was also Ben, his voice, being soothing, encouraging his son to drink this, or eat that. Once or twice there was a lullaby.

And Rey was outside of it all, and she was miserable. Ben had made it clear that their encounter on her living room couch had been a mistake, that he didn’t want her to be a part of his or Noah’s life. She’d overstepped, and forgot that Ben and Noah weren’t family. They didn’t have to stick around. And why would they? Rey’s own, actual family had left her, why should they stay?

So that Sunday, she left the house. Went to IKEA to look for a new couch with Finn and Poe. Poe was wandering through the set up rooms, trying to get Finn to play house with him, and normally it would have cheered Rey up a *lot,* because it was always great to see your friends so deeply in adorable love. But today, she just didn’t have the energy for it, not when she was looking at couches. 

“Oh shit, we’re near the food court. I’m going to get us a table,” Poe announced. “Babe, do you have a dollar? I love their milk chocolate thing.”

“How do you _not_ have a dollar?” Finn asked, forking over the cash anyway. 

“I believe in the cashless revolution,” Poe explained. “But sometimes paper is just faster.” 

Then he headed off to the food court, one of the greatest places in the world. Finn sighed, unable to hide that tiny smile of his that he always had reserved for his boyfriend before he sat on the nearby loveseat, the exact same one Rey was studying. 

*Was it big enough?* She wondered as Finn frowned up at her. 

“Rey, what happened to your couch again?” He asked, looking up at Rey from said loveseat on the display floor. “Did it literally fall apart? Got cut into two by a secret ninja? Because I know you. A mug could have been broken ten different ways ten different times and you would still think it was usable.” 

“Bigger,” Rey finally decided, because if Finn who was just a little taller than her, filled up half the damn thing, it certainly wasn’t big enough to fit a six foot three man with broad shoulders and…nope. Nope. Not thinking about that. 

“Rey?” Finn exclaimed, jumping up from the couch to follow her to the next option. “What’s wrong?” 

“Finn, I really don’t want to talk about…”

“I know you don’t want to, but sometimes you need to,” Finn insisted, because Finn was a good friend, and he always had Rey’s back. If he wasn’t he wouldn’t have agreed to drive up to an IKEA on a Sunday, of all days. “What happened. And does it have anything to do with the fact that you convinced Holdo that you’ve got a family waiting for you at home.”

“That’s just it, isn’t it,” Rey finally said, and she hated that her eyes were brimming with tears in the middle of a damn IKEA. “I don’t have a family waiting for me. I don’t have anyone.”

“Rey,” he said gently. 

“We kissed,” Rey continued, stopping herself from saying much more than that, because really, it was a lot more than a kiss. “It was…so nice. And I wanted more of that, but we never even got the chance to talk about it. He never gave me a chance to talk about it. And no matter how much I like Ben and Noah, how happy I am when I spend time with them, they’re the family. Not me. Ben can just pack up and leave, and I don’t need to know. And it hurts, really bad, because I love them both, so much.” 

And it was the mark of a true friend that Finn didn’t say anything more, didn’t tell her that things were going to be fine. Because that wasn’t what Rey needed to hear right now. So instead, Finn did the only thing he could do at the moment. He wrapped his arms around her in a hug to make her feel like she wasn’t alone. That there were other people here that might not make her feel the same way, but wouldn’t leave her. Not even in IKEA on a Sunday. 

“I’m sorry,” he said to her as she hugged him back, tightly. “I can tell Holdo something happened so you don’t have to go next weekend.”

“No, I’ll tell her,” Rey smiled sadly. “It’s the adult thing to do. Ugh.”

“Do you want me to buy you meatballs?” 

“Yes please,” she sighed, knowing that she wasn’t going to buy a new couch today. “With lots of gravy. And Swedish fish.”

“All the Swedish fish I can buy,” Finn promised, leading her to the food court, where Poe was already fending their seat off from a bunch of Moms eyeing him suspiciously. 

***

“Move,” Leia said gruffly to her son on Sunday. Was it Sunday already? Ben wasn’t sure anymore. All he knew was that on Friday things were getting fantastically amazing and wonderful, until it didn’t. 

It should have been impossible for a woman literally half Ben’s size to shove him aside, but he hadn’t slept, and really, it was impossible to stop a grandmother from seeing to her grandchild, especially when he was sick.   
  
“Hello to you too, mother,” Ben sighed, and Leia waved a hand to acknowledge her son’s greeting. Han walked through the door with Chewie on his heels, a paper bag of food placed on the kitchen counter. 

“You sure Noah’s the one who’s sick?” Han teased. “You look like death warmed up, kid.”

“Thanks Dad,” was all Ben managed to say, unloading burgers, soup, fries, and sodas. All perfectly unhealthy, but all so delicious when you didn’t want to think about what you were eating. “I don’t know what happened, he was fine when we got home, and Rey and I were…”

“Were?” Han asked pointedly, because of course he honed in on that name right away. Han knew about Ben’s co-dependent relationship with his neighbor, although he’d never had the chance to meet her. It was Rey’s fault, texting Ben about cake preferences while he was picking up Noah and making him smile too wide. And while his father didn’t know the specifics, it didn’t take a genius to know why Ben was all tied up in knots about how he felt about her. 

“Talking,” was all Ben managed to say and winced before he ate. “We were talking. And now Noah’s sick because I’m a shitty parent. A shitty, selfish parent who didn’t realize his kid wasn’t feeling great, and now he’s going to hate me for the rest of my life.”

“Woah, woah, slow down, kid,” Han chuckled, shaking his head. “Babies get sick. It happens. That doesn’t automatically make you a shitty parent.” 

“He’s in there with a fever!” Ben exclaimed, keeping the volume low, but the strain was still there. 

“And you’re out here tearing yourself up about it, forgetting to eat, which is just as bad,” Han countered. The last thing Ben ever expected when he had a son was to turn to his father as often as he didn’t for advice. In fact, up until a couple of years ago, he was pretty sure he was never going to speak to his father again. Han Solo was not the perfect Dad, and Ben really, really wanted to be. 

But there were some days he wished he was a little bit more like his father. Not that he was ever going to tell him that. Ever. 

Ben wanted Rey. He had, since the day his son first leapt out of his arms and into hers. But he had to deny himself of that chance, because Rey probably didn’t want an insta-family. She didn’t need to be tangled up in fevers or diapers, or mess. 

“Look,” Han said, looping his hands into his pockets and doing that shifty, stand thing he always did when he was trying to make a point. “One of the things your Mom and I had to learn when we had you was that we had lives before you. Not in a bad way. I mean…damn it. I’m explaining this badly.”

“I’m too tired to fight you on it. Continue.”

“You’re always going to feel like you made mistakes with your kid, but they turn out right, somehow. Resilient little shits,” he grinned at his son, and Ben was still waiting for his father to get to the point. “You gotta remember that you’re still a person underneath that Dad persona, Ben. Your wants, they matter too. My mistake was that I cared too much about my own wants and needs, and I forgot about yours. I think you have the opposite problem.”

“And Noah—“ 

“Is fine. He’s got you. And if you give her a chance, Rey too.” 

And Ben knew that. Somehow his father just reminded him of things he already knew. And as the scent of Vicks vapo rub (an old Organa family remedy, guaranteed to clear sinuses and cool fevers quick) filled the apartment, and his mother’s soothing tones to his son, Ben really didn’t feel like he was alone. And for once, that was a good thing. 

“I’ll go check on Noah,” He said, and Han nodded, waving a hand so Ben could go. Chewie followed behind Ben like he had every right to be in the baby’s room, and it was fine, since Noah and Chewie were thick as thieves. Chewie pressed his nose against Ben’s leg. 

“He’ll be fine, buddy. I promise,” Ben assured him, spotting his phone on the table, which he realized he hadn’t checked since the other night. Not that he was expecting anyone to text him, but…

*‌Hey. Calling off our arrangement. You don’t have to do it. Hope Noah feels better.* 

Shit.   
Shit.   
Shit. 

Rey called it off, and it was his fault. He was the one who pushed her away, and made her…fuck. He made her feel unwanted, which was the last thing he’d ever wanted to do. She was supposed to deserve the world, and yet he couldn’t even manage to get his shit together long enough to talk to her about the kiss, the more than a kiss on her couch. Couldn’t even tell her how much she meant to him, how he missed her, and how he always hated going back to his place, or when she left, because shouldn’t they be together? 

“Shit,” he hissed, clenching his fist because he wasn’t a kid who punched walls anymore. He tried to call Rey, but the phone immediately went to voicemail. Come to think of it, was she even home? 

What if she didn’t want to talk to him? Or she decided he wasn’t worth any of this? 

Ben didn’t realize he was staring off in the direction of her apartment until Chewie pulled at his pant legs as if to remind him that they were supposed to check on his son. Leia was carrying Noah, who was finally, asleep on his grandmother’s shoulder. He was still a little congested, but the Vicks had dowe wonders. 

“Stop worrying,” Leia told him without Ben saying anything, leveling him with a glare that both reassured him and terrified him at the same time. “His fever broke already, he just needs a bit more rest. Be right as rain tomorrow. You did good.”

“I don’t know how you did it, Mom,” Ben shook his head as he rubbed Noah’s back to coax him to sleep. Chewie sat by Noah’s crib, watching carefully. “Raised me and managed to do the whole Senator thing.”

“I barely managed,” Leia scoffed. “And I think you of all people know how often I failed you. All I could do was hope you didn’t hate me for it.”

“I think I did for a while,” Ben said softly. “But I don’t anymore.” 

“He was saying a name earlier,” Leia said, not relinquishing her hold on her grandson, despite the pool of drool already forming on the shoulder of her top. “Or trying to.” 

“I keep telling you, he can’t call you ‘grandmother,’ he can barely say Dada, still…”

“Oh quiet. It wasn’t me. He kept saying…oh, what was it. Rey,” Leia finally said, rolling her eyes at Ben’s comment. “He was saying ‘Rey.’”

And Ben’s heart just sank all the way down to the first floor. As it turned out, his son missed their neighbor just as much as he did her. 

Ben had to do this right. He knew he was only going to get one last chance with Rey, after six months of pining for her and one night of absolutely fucking up. But how? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter, I swear this will all wrap up!


	5. Chapter 5

“I know,” Finn said, because he was always the best at coming up with ways to make Rey feel better. “You can help me with the carnival! You’ll be so busy you won’t be able to think about your neighbor, and Holdo will be so impressed with you she’ll totally forget that she invited your husband and kid.”

Trust Finn to come up with a solution that both helped him and Rey at the same time. Which was probably why she found herself a lot more light in step on her way home.

What was it about a glorified warehouse that made Rey feel so happy? Maybe it was the three new planters and riser she’d purchased for herself, (because really, one didn’t become a plant mother if they didn’t commit to the cause) or the Swedish meatballs she shared with her friends. Maybe it was that happiness that she had her own space, her own home to build and create any way she wanted, and that was its own kind of thrill.

Nevertheless, Rey emerged from her apartment’s elevator in an exuberant mood, even if her purchases were a little heavy. And her good mood could have continued, if she didn’t have to stop in the hallway to readjust her hold on her Växt plant riser and caught sight of Ben’s door.

The corner of the box stayed on the ground as Rey stared at the still, silent door. How strange that a piece of wood opened and closed at her whim in the last six months was suddenly, permanently closed. Blocked off from the people inside, because they didn’t want her around anymore. Rey’s therapist told her it wasn’t healthy to assign such weight to physical objects, but it was hard to shake old habits. Especially when those habits meant feeling like you belonged somewhere, for the first time in your life.

_I’m his father. You don’t want to do this. I’ll handle it myself._

Ben made his feelings clear on the matter. It was fine. Rey could cope with rejection. She’d dealt with much, much worse.

She huffed, intending to regain her bearings, put on her big girl pants and walk through her own door when the door she’d been starting at (there was some irony here about watched pots and boiling, but she didn’t really have time to process that when she was standing like a stalker in the middle of the hallway with a bunch of IKEA shit) swung open.

Rey froze. She didn’t know why, a more practical person with the same sense of self-preservation would have immediately run to her door, because standing in the middle of a hallway with all her stuff wasn’t exactly hiding. A brown dog with a mane so shaggy he looked otherworld trotted out of the apartment, and because he wasn’t stupid, he saw Rey immediately.

Her eyes widened. The dog seemed thrilled, pressing down on his back paws as his tail wagged and he bounded into Rey, barking happily as he sniffed Rey’s hand, sniffed her purchases.

Ben had mentioned once or twice that her dad had a dog. What was its name again?

“Chewie?” She asked, and the brown dog immediately looked up as if to ask, ‘what?’

“…and don’t think I’m not going to call to check in on both of you,” an older woman’s voice said, muffled for a moment in what Rey assumed was a hug. And really, at this point, she had all the time in the world to get the hell out of the way, but no, she stood there, still patting Chewie like she’d known the hound for years rather than moments (she liked dogs better that way) while Ben’s parents were literally saying goodbye to him in the doorway.

“Woof!” Chewie’s bark made Rey jump, and immediately, a head opposed out of the doorway, and a man who looked exactly like Ben but a few years older at ten times more charm walked out into the hallway to corral the dog.

“Chewie, what…oh.” He said (craaaap where was an emergency escape button when you needed one?), as Chewie ran circles around his faithful friend as if terribly excited. “Sorry about that. He gets excited at the prospect of going back home to chase squirrels.”

“Hey, I would be excited about that too,” Rey joked, because defense mechanisms.

“Rey, right?” Han asked, and of course he knew perfectly well who she was because they’d passed each other in this very hall a couple of times, once while she was hanging out with Ben when they brought Noah back home.

“Yup. Han,” she clarified, and he nodded, looking behind him to where Leia was pressing a tub of what looked like Vicks Vapor Rub into someone’s much larger hands. “Nice to see you. How’s Noah doing?”

“He’ll be better after a good night’s sleep,” Han waved a hand around like Noah was a full grown adult instead of a two year old. “You know him. He’s more miserable he can’t be outside making trouble for his Dad than he is about being sick.”

Rey chuckled, because she could totally imagine Noah being pouty about being kept indoors.

“Han! Where did you run off to..oh there you are,” Leia said, coming up to them as the apartment door finally closed in the distance, and she went over to them. Former Senator Leia Organa (who was totally Rey’s hero, but Ben didn’t have to know that) smiled up at her. “Hello. You’re Rey, right?”

“Yes…Senator. M’am,” she said, and Han laughed as Leia slapped his arm like neither of them were used to anyone addressing her that way. “Sorry.”

“Call me Leia,” she said, squeezing Rey’s hand affectionately instead of shaking it. How was it that a woman who barely reached Rey’s shoulders managed to make her feel like she was three feet tall? “I’ve heard nothing but good things from you from by grandson. Granted it’s mostly your name, but he seems very happy to say it.”

“Rey was just asking about Noah,” Han supplied, and the two adults (because let’s face it, was Rey an adult) looked at each other knowingly.

“Oh Noah’s going to be fine. It’s Ben we’re constantly worried about,” Leia sighed, shaking her head in a way that sent a pang of jealousy coursing through Rey because Ben’s parents just loved him and Noah _so much_ it kind of hurt. “I just told him to stop wasting time, to go to you and that you were a busy woman who has an entire life ahead of her, you aren’t going to wait around for him to get his act together.”

“What?” Rey asked, choking on air because she couldn’t have heard that right. Surely Ben didn’t talk about his feelings about her to his mother, especially when he’d made it so clear to Rey that he didn’t feel the same?

“Exactly,” Leia nodded. “He’ll be happy to know you checked on Noah. Do you need help with your planters?”

Ten minutes later, after more conversation with Leia and Han where Rey was sure she was already having an out of body experience, she was back in her apartment with her new stuff. After setting the new planters aside and setting up the risers, Rey sat in front of her windows, facing away from Ben’s apartment and sighed at her various jungle of plants.

She pushed aside the memory of her walking alongside the plants with Noah, encouraging him to smell the oregano, taste the mint, tickled him with the violas. Instead she sighed again and leaned against the side of her couch, looking at her plants.

“This can’t be how it ends,” she told her plants, shaking her head with the determination of a girl who forged a whole fucking life for herself, who knew all too well that moping didn’t do anybody any good. “It just can’t.”

* * *

True to Finn’s word, the next week found Rey totally swamped with work. Her job at the foundation was mostly groundwork, requiring her to be physically present in the communities that the foundation was supporting to see if their needs were being met, what other things they could do to support them. Which meant she was almost always out of the office, which also made her the perfect runner for Finn’s event, which meant she was running in and out of the building for most of the week.

And she loved every minute of it, she really did. Rey was one of the few people in the foundation that had excellent rapport with the community heads, and they were pretty good at pointing her in the direction of suppliers that would benefit from opening a food booth at the carnival, or running a game or two.

She’d gotten so busy that she completely forgot about her promise to herself, and to Holdo, until she was at the carnival helping the duck shoot game hang up the prize dolls, and she couldn’t quite reach. That was, until someone much taller than her easily grabbed the stuffed toy from its wrong perch and handed it to her.

“Ben!” She exclaimed, nearly stumbling backward as she saw him. He looked incredibly handsome and so…soft in an emerald green sweater. He smiled softly at her, even if his eyes betrayed his nerves. He was so close she could feel the warmth of his skin against hers, and Rey was so sure he could hear her heart beating in her chest. It wasn’t fair. Now that her body knew what his was like, she wanted him with a deep, longing kind of ache. Any resolve she had before completely evaporated. That easy.

“Rey,” he said softly. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” She asked, scrambling away from him while still clutching a stuffed bear. “I said you didn’t have to come.”

“I know, but I wanted to,” he said, looking at his feet for a second. His lips pursed for a second as he swallowed his nerves and looked at her. “Rey, I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t have to come all the way here to apologize for what happened last week.”

“I didn’t,” he said, and whatever else he wanted to say was lost to the wind, because Rey had fled. She left the bear on the counter and started to walk off, and she knew she had home advantage because she knew the layout of the carnival like the back of her hand. Thank god for Finn and his insistence that all the staff were made aware, just in case someone needed help.

“Rey!” Ben said, losing her to the crowd in front of the fun house, where she leaned against the wall and caught her breath. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready. Why was he here? And today was a Saturday, where was Noah?

A loud bark caught her off guard, making Rey jump again. Jesus Christ, she was at a carnival in the daytime, not a horror movie. She barely had time to turn around when a shaggy brown dog that was more hair than dog tackle her to the grass, licking her cheeks.

“Aaaah!” She exclaimed, as Chewie excitedly wagged his tail, clearly thrilled to see her again.

“Chewie!” Han’s now familiar voice scolded, tugging at the dog’s collar to haul him off of Rey. “Leave the kid alone.”

“Hi Han,” Rey almost sighed, because of course the entire family was here. She accepted his hand to help and pulled herself up, wiping the grass stains off of the butt of her shorts. “Enjoying the carnival?”

“I’ve always enjoyed a good carnival,” Han grinned that charming grin that surely would have stopped more than a few hearts in his day. “Oh hey Princess, look. It’s a fun house. Remember the time we—“

“We are _not_ going to talk about that,” Leia said, bringing up the rear of the Solo Family Train with Noah in a stroller. “Hello Rey.”

“WEEEYYY!” Noah practically shrieked in excitement when he saw her standing there with grass on her butt. And Rey’s heart quickly melted.

“Noah! Feeling better?” Rey asked, looking to Leia as if to ask permission. Leia scoffed and waved a hand at her as Rey knelt in front of the baby to give him a huge hug.

She took a little sneaky sniff off of the top of his head, and squeezed. Noah started to talk really, really fast, babbling more than he was actually forming words, attempting to tell Rey that yes, he was perfectly fine. He was drinking the icky medicine and getting high off of Vicks. He also told her about the incredibly boring past week, when he was sick in bed and his father did noting but move between worrying way too much about him and sitting and staring in to speak, clearly missing Rey. Because they really did miss her, did she know that?

And of course, Rey understood none of that. She did, however, kiss his cheek, and that seemed to be everything Noah wanted.

“Have you seen Ben yet?” Leia asked hopefully. “I know he was looking for you.”

“You came all the way here just so Ben could talk to me?” Rey flushed, suddenly embarrassed.

“No, of course not,” Leia scoffed and shook her head. “Han and I are on the board for the foundation, and Amylin couldn’t stop talking to us about this promising young liaison who promised to bring her husband and son to the carnival.”

“I believe the words she used were ‘understanding, gentle and tall’ husband,” Han snickered, giving Rey a little wink like it was totally fine.

Rey wanted to bury herself in the ground and stay there. Forever, if possible. Her and her big mouth.

“So of course we had to be here,” Leia seemed to find all of this amusing. Then she looked behind Rey and grinned. “There he is. We’ll talk to you both later.”

“Sooner rather than later,” Han insisted. “We’re also taking Noah for the night so…enjoy.”

OH GOD.

The Organa-Solos exchange knowing snickers, turned and left, Noah now completely distracted by the fifteen other distractions that were at full display in front of him. Rey took in a deep breath and whirled around. Sure enough, Ben was there, looking at her for all the world like he totally had her.

“I can’t believe you dragged your family all the way here just so you can talk to me,” Rey shook her head. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me your parents were on the board of the Resistance.”

“My grandmother started it, if that helps.”

“It does not,” Rey said, marching off in the direction of the corndog stand, because she was not full enough to have this conversation. Ben stood beside her in line as she fumed.

“You know what’s not fair?” Rey asked him as she got her corndog. Ben was about to pull his wallet out to pay but she beat him to it, smothering her good in ketchup and mustard (ignoring the face he made at the sight) and marched to the Ferris wheel, where they were soon ushered in to a gondola, the two of them thigh to thigh as Rey glared out at the carnival.

“What’s not fair?” Ben asked gently, looking out at the city the spread out before them. It was a nice view.

“I like your family so much,” she said, glaring out at the view herself, taking a huge bite of her corndog. “But I think I love you. And now every time I see them, I start to look for you, and it hurts too much if you’re not there.”

“The only reason I wouldn’t be there is if you didn’t want me to be,” he said. “Because I want you, Rey. I think, for the first time in my life, I could fall in love with you. My son certainly has, and he’s definitely smarter than me.”

“You…you like me?” Rey gasped, because it bore repeating. “But last Friday…”

“I worried it was too much, expecting you to be a part of mine and Noah’s life more than we already are. I’ve relied too much on you, and you never asked for it. If I went over the edge, if I asked you to be with me, I will never stop asking for your help, and you’re going to get sick of that. I made you part of my family without asking you. And you already told me, you didn’t want to relive the experience, and you’re going to walk away. Fuck. I’m explaining this badly.”

“No, no,” Rey turned so she could face him, and she wanted reach out and smooth that knot between his brows. “Please.”

“I don’t want to be selfish,” he said. “But Rey, I…I want you.”

She was out of words, and with the half-eaten corndog still in her hand, she kissed him, and he tasted sweet and mustardy and ketchupy, but it was still him. Ben Solo. Her solid, worrywart giant, her roommate, her best friend, and very possibly the love her life. And knowing he was just as scared of all of this as she was made her feel infinitely better.

“I don’t want to lose a family ever again,” she told him, as he licked his lip and chased another kiss from her. “And I don’t want to lose you.”

“Never,” Ben promised, his eyelids fluttering closed as he lifted her chin to give her another kiss. “Mmm. Mustard.”

* * *

From the ground, Leia held the side of her palm to her brow as she watched Rey and Ben kiss like teenagers let loose for all of the world to see. In the strolled in front of her, Noah happily cheered for his father finally getting his shit together.

“I wonder if tomorrow’s too soon to slip your father the family ring,” Leia mused to her grandson, as Amylin waved them over.


	6. Chapter 6

“Goldfish killer!” Rey exclaimed, laughing as Ben pathetically held up the plastic bag that formerly contained a goldfish he spent twenty dollars attempting to win at one of the carnival games.

“It’s not my fault! That fucker in the hallway nearly knocked the bag out of my hand, so it probably hit its head or something,” Ben was practically pouting at the bag. “I was going to give him to Noah.”

“I think your son will appreciate the effort,” Rey smiled beatifically, leaving her keys on the ceramic little holder she made with air clay, walking through her apartment and opening the shelf that had the trash bin. “And Chewie will be glad he won’t be replaced in his best friend’s heart anytime soon. Now let go. You and I have other things we need to finish.”

“Oh. We do,” Ben said, and Rey wanted to laugh at how quickly he was distracted by the promise of a child-free night and sex. Clearly.

It had been two months. Two months of carefully and cautiously dating, saying goodnight at each other’s doors, stealing kisses when nobody else was around (which was very infrequent). Rey had insisted they take things a little slow, sort of discover what the other truly wanted in the relationship. Ben had proven a lot more patient than she ever gave him credit for, and tonight? Well, tonight would see all his patience paying off.

He met her in the middle of the apartment, pressing his lips against hers in a deep, sweet kiss. Rey melted into his arms. He always made her feel so safe and so secure in that giant frame of his.

“Rey,” Ben said, brushing the tip of his nose against hers. “I want you.”

“You’ve got me,” she told him, looking up so that she was looking right in to his darkening eyes, feeling little sparks of heat bubble up in her body as his intensity turned her on. “Completely.”

“Good,” was all he said before he dove in for another kiss, a deeper, rougher one this time, and all Rey could do was throw her arms around him and clutch him close, allowing herself to get thrown in to the storm of his passion.

He pressed her against her door, his erection brushing between her legs. Rey crossed her ankled low on his back and arched her hips against him, making him groan as she gasped at the contact. God she was so wet for him, and he’d barely touched her.

As if hearing her thought, Ben’s hands pulled her shirt from where it was tucked inside her skirt and pressed them against her flesh, heat against coolness and making Rey hiss when he nipped lightly at her ear.

“I thought about you,” he whispered into the same ear as he pulled her shirt off over her head, as she continued to rock her hips agains this, mindlessly, lazily seeking some form of relief from the desire that filled her. “Every. Night. I imagined you in my arms just like this.”

He palmed her breast through the fabric of her bra, trailing hot kisses down her neck until he used his other hand to push the bra down, revealing her breast, and the puckered nipple that was begging for his mouth. He obliged it, and Rey made a sound that was so surprisingly loud and sexual that Ben could swear he got even impossibly harder.

“Fuck Rey, how could you ever doubt the way I felt for you?” He asked.

“Because you are really good at hiding your feelings,” She told him. “Except today.”

She could actually feel the smile on his face against her breasts as he took off her bra, pressing his hands to her lower back so he could lead her to her couch. Rey looked up at him, her skirt hiked up over her hips, her cheeks flushed as her chest was fully exposed to him. Ben looked at her hungrily, and she couldn’t believe he was looking at her like that. Like there was nobody else he could possibly want.

“Take off your shirt,” she told him, and he obliged, carefully unbuttoning the thing before he hung it over the back of the couch.

“Your pants,” she continued, biting at her bottom lip as he whipped off the belt without argument, taking off the slacks and laying them with the same care and precision over his discarded shirt.

“Touch yourself,” she said.

“Only if you do the same,” he said, and she didn’t need much more convincing to do it. Even with his briefs on he looked fucking massive, and Rey didn’t think he was going to fit, but it she was sure that it was going to be delicious.

She threw her skirt off over her head before he slid her fingers into her underwear, gentle where he was rough, loud where he was restrained and quiet. His gaze was so intense, and just watching him watch her turned her on more than she ever thought it possible.

“Am I going to fit inside you, sweetheart?” He asked.

“I’m going to make sure you will,” Rey promised, because one could never be failed for sheer determination. “I have three fingers inside me.”

“You’re going to take me so well, I know it,” he said, bending forward to kiss her. Rey whimpered when he pulled away, and Ben cursed. His breath hitched, close, as she found her own relief, riding her fingers.

“Rey, please, I need you now, I’m so close,” he said, reaching over to where his slacks were to pull out a condom, because he was always prepared. Rey appreciated that.

“Yes, yes, Ben, god—“ were all the words she managed to form as Ben took his fucking sweet time rolling the condom on, repositioning them so he was sitting on the couch and she was on top of him, just like that night they never god to finish, and Rey used his shoulders as leverage as she lowered herself between his legs. Ben’s head shot back, breathing hard as he filled her up.

“Fuck, I knew, I fucking knew you would fill me up so well,” he said rubbing his thumb over the cover of Rey’s ass as she adjusted to him. “Rey, you feel too good.”

But she didn’t have the words, because she was ready, she was so ready, and with him pinned under her like this, there wasn’t much he could do but hold on to her as she rode him, rocking with abandon, creating a rhythm that made sweat break out over her brow. She sucked at the skin on Ben’s neck as he helped guide her hips as he slid his fingers between her legs for extra stimulation.

And because Ben was a man, not a damn hero, he came first. Came so hard he nearly tore the upholstery off the couch when he gripped it. Rey followed right after, end her entire body felt light and tingly, and the entire universe seemed to fall in to place for her.

Neither of them wanted to move from their position on the couch, and she was still inside him, moments later. Their breaths slowed and deepened, and the world seemed to put itself back upright, because they were finally together.

“I think,” she said to him. “I want to do this again.”

Ben managed a weak laugh as he kissed her temple. “We have all the time in the world, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote! Wow, this little prompt took a lot more than I expected. D: But I really do hope that you enjoyed this little fic. Thank you, thank you for reading!


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